Dear Evey -
You're almost ten months old. Tonight, I thought of some advice for you.
Sometimes, it will be harder than others, but whatever you do, strive not to ever speak negatively of others when they don't have a chance to defend themselves. Don't tell lies about them - not even exaggerations of the truth.
Don't ever assume you know someone, even if they hurt you. If they hurt you, it doesn't make them a bad person, though obviously what they did was hurtful.
It is very important to try hard and separate people from their actions. Our actions do speak of our character, and our actions can mold us and the lives around us, but our actions will never totally define us.
What defines people is their heart. What defines people is the fact that we are all created by God, we're all created in His image, and if He is good, then we must all innately be good before the world affects us.
What defines people are the things they contribute to the world.
You should contribute kindness, patience, and warmth.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
If you have a problem with someone, or if you're angry with them, it's important to cool down and then confront them directly and with patience, warmth, and concern for the other person. It's okay to vent your frustrations about a person to a close friend, or even to me or Dad, but be careful with you words. Don't use words like "hate." To hate someone, or anything, is a very sad and dark thing.
Forgiveness will set you free and lighten your spirit. Jesus was adamant about forgiveness for a reason.
At the same time, don't ever punish yourself for not being a perfect forgiver. No one is. And the saying "forgive AND forget?" That's the hardest of all. Even when you think you've forgotten about someone's transgressions, it's amazing how the pain can resurface. Don't be hard on yourself. This is normal. Just try and remember where you are, who you are, the blessings in your life, and if that person who hurt you - the person you have forgiven - ever needs help, don't ever refuse to help them.
Remember that no one "makes" you anything: not angry, not sad. Every time someone says or does anything, we get a chance to decide how we're going to react. I know it doesn't always feel that way, but it's the truth - and it's a very easy truth to forget. You just have to choose to step back and calm down. You have to choose love.
On the subject of forgiveness: forgiveness kind of looks like what I talked about earlier, being careful not to speak unkindly of someone when they don't have the opportunity to defend themselves. Simply do not talk about them, especially if you can't think of anything to say. The only exception to this rule is when you are upset and need to verbally vent your frustrations: do that with someone you trust, not someone who is too immature to understand that you are just venting.
Making fun of another person - to their face, or behind their back - is never, ever, ever okay. I will ask you to read this out loud to me someday. I want you to understand how completely serious I am about this. Yes, it's a little different when you're with friends. You can gauge the situation all you want - even when pushing each other's buttons is just part of the fun of being together, never, ever forget that there is a line to be crossed. Be aware of it. And fearlessly defend anyone you think is being bullied or hurt.
This is just a little advice I have for you regarding your dealings with other people.
Perhaps the most important thing of all is for you to learn the special way in which you were sent here to love others, and be confident in that. You won't love others exactly like Dad and I do, because you're a different person - but isn't it amazing that you could have been anyone else and instead, you're you?
I love you, and I love who you are every day. I'm so glad you're here!
-Mom
